“Give me the courage to show up, and let myself be seen.”
The last book I listened to in 2020 was Daring Greatly by Brené Brown. I’m a fan of her work and was first impacted by her very famous Ted Talk from 10 years ago, The Power of Vulnerability. Since that first video, I have thought often about vulnerability and my relationship with it. As much as I might think that I want to be more vulnerable in all aspects of my life, consciously or unconsciously it seems that’s easier said than done. Allowing yourself to be fully seen, warts and all is very hard for someone who often fears rejection and criticism, and who wants to be seen as strong, right, and competent. Luckily the book shares some approaches and strategies to work on that. The trick is the discipline to follow through!
Brené narrates the book herself. It was an enjoyable listen, and I found the distillation of her work on vulnerability to be helpful, and an inspiration towards my continued intentions to grow and figure out how to be a more open person.
She says, “We judge people in areas where we are vulnerable to shame. We’re hard on each other because we are using each other as a launching pad out of our own shame.” I believe this quote speaks to a truth I figured out years ago. Whenever something bothers me about someone else, 9 out of 10 times, it is something that I don’t like about myself. So if I personally feel shame about that thing, then I will judge others and be triggered by its manifestation in someone else. For myself, that shame triggers outward negativity, until I stop and take a hard look at its origin. It surprises me how this connection is almost always the source of my angst.
The other quote from the book that resonated with me is this one. “Perfection is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect and do everything perfectly, I can avoid and minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.” It sure seems like perfection is common in a lot of people, and I doubt it ever leads to happiness or contentment. If being perfect is all about how others perceive you and your actions, then likely you are giving your power away, and are mainly reliant on outside validation for your self-worth.
Brené admits that she has struggled a lot with these issues, even with all that she knows and has studied and learned. It’s not an easy journey but it is the right one for me. I’ll be giving this book another pass, and hope that this year will be one filled with less judgment and shame, and more vulnerability, love, joy, and acceptance.
“Are my choices comforting and nourishing my spirit, or are they temporary reprieves from vulnerability and difficult emotions, ultimately diminishing my spirit? Are my choices leading to my wholeheartedness, or do they leave me feeling empty and searching?”
Courtesy of Brené’s website.
“Nothing has transformed my life more than realizing that it’s a waste of time to evaluate my worthiness by weighing the reaction of the people in the stands.”
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